Dad’s day

Forver in my heart.jpgIt’s been 14 years since I’ve had my dad here on earth to celebrate a Father’s Day and I’m still unable to find words. I haven’t been to church on Father’s day for years as I just sit there and sob. I still tear up at the smallest things even though I try to be grateful for the 32 father’s days I did have him here with me. My dad was an awesome dad to me and I miss him something terrible.

My dad was an awesome dad to me and I miss him something terrible.

I try to remember just the happy times but I still feel cheated having him taken so soon- just 10 days after his 61st birthday. I wanted more time! I want to sit with him again and see that smile that lit up his face.

I know I’m not alone in losing a parent that young. I wonder if all the business having father’s day sales, promos and running commercials know that for some people it feels like a jab, another bombardment of reminders that we don’t have our dads here to celebrate. Heck, when I had my business it never crossed my mind. For most people I guess, they have continued the family tree and by the time they lose their dads, they’ve already become one themselves. Lots of people never know their dad at all. Some squander time with parents fighting or not communicating. That makes me just want to shout that

you don’t get that time back!

Life is short. I’ve decided I am going to make the call, make the effort, take the first step to rebuild or repair or at the least contact friends and family. There are some things that will end up being regrets if I don’t make the effort now. We are not guaranteed tomorrow. I have my fair share of should’ve, would’ve and could’ves.  I learned a lot from my dad, including the love of the outdoors. I believe in Jesus and I know my dad did too so I’m looking forward to seeing him again one day.

I even had a great father-in-law… although it took him just a bit to warm up to me.  He treated me like one of his own in time. I won’t share a picture because just like my dad he wouldn’t want to have it online.

I’m not sure what my Heavenly Father’s plan was. After my dad died, I doubted there was a god for the first time in my life. What if, I’d believed in eternity after salvation all these years and there was, well nothing. Then I looked at nature, and human life and knew there was, and that what I’d believed all along was true. I think my faith is stronger now after doubting then coming back to the same conclusion that God is real. This became my favorite verse. Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

My husband and I don’t have human children but he cares for our cats and has a heart of compassion.

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Okay, full tears now and I need to go blow my nose again and take something for my headache.

To the fathers who are there for their kids – Happy Dads Day. Same for all the men who stepped up to be a dad, and for all the single or widowed moms that fill that void.

I took that picture above of my parents, just 3 months before my dad passed. I’m pretty sure it was only the second vacation my husband and I  took with my parents. That is one of my regrets. Like I said you don’t get that time back and work seems way less important now.

 

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