Today marks 11 years since we adopted Tyler and Trinity or as I’ve seen it recently, their gotcha anniversary and yesterday was 3 months since Trinity passed.
I may always have regrets over my actions that day, but I’m trying to see God’s hand in the fact that I didn’t rush her to the vet and her spend her last moments in fear being poked at. I still try to tell myself that she passed peacefully asleep in the sunroom where she loved to be. I hope she just went quickly and pain-free like when she had a seizure.
I still see her when I walked into the room and knew she was gone. I am now able to have a good memory here and there, but still finding her and realizing she died alone ends up filling my mind. I think it is harder to process since we had no idea anything was wrong. I am just still so darn sad. To top it all off after my dads angle-versary then losing Trinity, my absurd shoulder surgery, a record amount of rainfall (over 20″ in 2 weeks) now we’re being bombarded with father’s day stuff. Somedays I just want to curl up and sleep.
I am so grateful I till have Tyler to cuddle and love on. The picture on the left was him feeling the breeze thru the screen this past weekend. He likes to look out, he just doesn’t want to be out. The pic on the right you’ll understand if you have cats. Well, not the armpit part, but once he plopped down there between me and the couch I couldn’t read and I couldn’t put my arm back down but I stayed like that as long as I could because he looked so cute. I saw a pin on Pinterest that said something about, sorry I’m late my cat was on my lap 🙂
Tyler seems to be wavering in his emotions too. At first, he was really needy and he quit going under the covers like he’s been doing for years. Then he started with his blanky, then recently he started going off by himself and laying out of view. He’d jump up and be on our laps then all of a sudden get down and go to lay on the crinkle bed out of sight. I worry about him even more than I should for an 11 year old cat, and I have to keep telling myself that if it wasn’t for my cousin/vet we wouldn’t even know he had a heart murmur and to just wait till our appointment to find out the reason behind it.
My husband handles emotional issues better than me. I mean he picked Trinity from the other kittens in the litter and they definitely had their routines that were shared just between them. I know he misses her, he keeps his emotions in check so much better than me.
I’m sure I had a post on this but when we lost Skeamer I told hubby someday I wanted to get very specific Ragdolls, thinking it would never happen, then exactly what I specified came thru an email that month. I was looking for Ragdoll rescues, a boy and a girl, siblings, kitten age and one to be a seal bi-color. Now since that tall order landed in my email I’ve kinda done the same thing to help decide if we bring another cat into our family of three. I don’t want to even consider it until we finally get to Tyler’s echocardiogram and see what is the cause of his heart murmur. A big part of me just isn’t ready, so I made a really tall metal list again and if all those things are meant, I’ll know it is meant to be.
Speaking of cats…like I need a segue 🙂 My mom went to Italy and brought me back this marble sleeping cat. I’m not normally a knick-knack kinda gal but I like how simple this is.
She also went to the Garden Jubilee nearby, that I wasn’t up to attending this year and told me about a company there that said they would make custom metal silhouettes I’ve been trying to have made. Heck maybe by the time I get these made spell check won’t have to correct me mis-spelling silhouette.
I had emailed two companies. One responded that they were 10 weeks behind but never gave me a price, the other never even responded. I couldn’t find the couple that made the one of Skeamer so we took the silhouette of her and went to talk to the people my mom saw. It’s a father and son team running Never Blue Forge. Both were super nice, said they could do it and we’ve been emailing back and forth and I’ve provided them with the cutout pattern to scale. Trinity usually sat with her tail totally covering her feet but that looked odd so I found a picture where most of her feet were still visible. Tyler’s either sits broken legged with his feet stuck out in front or belly-up. Problem is he doesn’t lay totally on his back and his front feet and curled up to his chest. He’ll kick his back leg out if he doesn’t get petted. With his, let’s say, round shape, that looked like a blob so I combined a few pictures to get one where he was closed to being totally on his spine and took the liberty of curling his tail up. Todd even overlooked my crying as I tried to get said what I was looking for, and they assured me my cats cut out would not be used for anyone else, that they were custom for us. I went ahead and drew one up for Tyler too with the hopes that I won’t be using his anytime soon. I just didn’t want to have to go thru this again when he passes. They can’t do the rod like I preferred on Skeamer’s and their metal is a lot thicker. I’ll do another post or add to this one after they’re made.