Standing on the promises

I want to thank each of who sent condolences on Trinity, especially those of you (a friend, family, our vet) who took the time to send a card. I am having a hard time with her death and showing that you care means a great deal.

By the time automatically post, I should be out surgery.

 

Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.

Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 41:13 For I am the LORD your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.

Philippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

I am trying to be strong and fear not. I hear the recovery is long, slow and painful. I have been getting the house in order and trying my darndest to mentally prepare. Odd when a way to comfort yourself over the fear of needles into horrible veins is to tell yourself that the needles are probably not the worst part of this surgery- even if they’ve been the worst part of the others I’ve had.

I can’t help but think about my poor Trinity getting stuck so many times.

Insurance and doctors office are now so concerned about verifying all my contact info. We don’t go to the doctor much less the hospital.  We didn’t go much in the past and after obamacare messed up everything we couldn’t afford to keep BCBS and haven’t had a GP in a decade.  I think I’m up to 5 phone calls now verifying my address and how they’ll get paid. Thank you for telling us and Oh yeah, have a good weekend and don’t worry that we just told you regardless of how ginormous my fear is of needles and how bad my veins are they will not consider gassing me before trying to hit a vein to knock me out. But hey at least I got 2 whole 5mg pills of valium. Hope my nerves and adrenaline don’t totally override all of it like they’ve done in the past.

I did stress that no matter how much they give me to keep from being sick from the anesthesia, nothing works 100%. I told them about my veins collapsing and that they had to move the IV 5x during my hysterectomy.

I am thankful I had time to prepare our home and my body. I have a friend who fell really messed up her shoulder, like horribly and she didn’t have time to know surgery and limited use was coming. I went to the chiropractor today for my neck and right rib. He looked at an old x-ray and said he thought it was my right collarbone that had been broken.

If I didn’t want an adjustable bed for our backs and to raise my snoring hubby up to a sitting position- I think I may want one for sleeping. My recliner is not really an option with it being a right handle, not staying all the way back without effort and not wanting to accidentally pinch Tyler in it. We did move the table from between the recliners, scoot them together and put the table to my left side.  The decor doesn’t look as balanced but in hindsight, I wish we’d have done that long ago. It beats having to reach to the right for my glasses and drinks.

I still really want to get a life-size metal silhouette made of Trinity. I can’t find the name of the person who made the one of  Skeamer for us. Hopefully, I can browse left handed and find someone to make one, and I’ll work on printing out a life-size template from a photo so it’s just right.

I have been looking at photos. Some made me smile, some laugh and of course cry. I’m not ready to edit any or work on a video or photobook just yet. I do know the pose I’d want for the silhouette.  Just still too hard but as I browsed over the 12, 000 photos of my furbabies I was reminded how much our cats are loved. I am also reminded of what I said recently about culling your photos sooner rather than later. Just like with my others photos of loved ones that have passed. It is a lot harder for me to delete the 5th shot of almost the same pose after I know there won’t be any more photos or new memories. Trinity was loved by us and her brother. Boy, what I wouldn’t give to have her blocking my screen again!

 

Lots of hard first. The first time it rained on her grave or was cold. Going for the first time to buy just Tyler food. Unfortunately, they were about out when she passed, and I had to go in pretty soon to get some. Thankfully the lady behind the counter knows my name and the next customer behind me happened to be a Maxwell also so the laugh cut the tension. I made it out without crying. The first vacuum knowing that canister was full of mostly Trinity’s hair because it always was. That is one thing with long haired cats though… I know I’m going to be seeing Trinity’s long hair for quite some time. The first time leaving Tyler at home alone. He’d only been without her one night his whole life before her death. Tyler misses her more than I thought he would, but we’re all just taking each day as it comes.

Right now my emotions are all over the board I don’t feel like doing much of anything. No lunches, visiting, photography, nada. I’m actually looking forward to just recovering at home and cuddling with Tyler and being loved and cared for by my awesome loving and understanding hubby who is going to even have litterbox duty for a bit.

I hope sometime relatively soon I look forward to being with friends and taking photos again. And, maybe not too long after that throwing my camera backpack on, hitting the woods and finding a new (to us) waterfall. I know after the initial “don’t use your arm at all phase”, it’s important to move it to keep it from locking up. Not sure how’d the surgeon would feel about tromping around in the woods with the slipping, pulling myself up banks and tripping that happens in the woods. I think when I do use my camera again, I might go ahead and put the neck strap on my camera until I trust my right arm to not drop it. I injured my shoulder/arm lifting something too darn heavy but I’ve heard most shoulder injuries mostly are from overuse and falls.

So don’t rely on me for the pet food recalls for a bit and if you’re a praying to Jesus kind of person… we’ll take a prayer or two.

Here is a link to my other shoulder https://kimberlyhmaxwell.wordpress.com/tag/shoulder/post https://kimberlyhmaxwell.wordpress.com/tag/shoulder/